Joyfully reunited with the Bum Gun

For my first two years in Thailand I refused to go near it.

Why spray water on one's self when us Westerners have tissue paper for such things? Such an ugly practice. Not cricket at all.

But, – it has happened to us all – there was a time I found myself suddenly faced with the ugly dilemma of realising there was no tissue paper in the bathroom post waste disposal. There I was, completely solo in the smallest room in the house, no choice but to pull the trigger and finally "go native".

Unlike the French bidet, where one feels like a nervous helicopter pilot delicately touching down on a tiny offshore oil rig landing platform, the bum gun allows full control without leaving the comfort of your warm seat. I would love one installed in our place in England but, to put it bluntly, the water would be far too fucking cold. The warm water, jet spray, total-cleansing-experience may not export very well, but it is treat I forgot that would be waiting for us here on holiday.

Oh, how I have missed you, my friend. God, I love Thailand.